The Perks of Being Single

"The sun shines each morning, whether others appreciate her light or not" - Unknown

I want to date, sure. I would be open to seeing someone, but I won't see just anyone. That's what we call having standards. I could do the casual thing, sleep around, go through the motions and pretend I'm not thinking of my hookups past sexual endeavors. I could play hard to get, pretend I don't care when I do, wait for someone to choose me. Or, I could choose myself.

It hasn't been easy, choosing others over myself has kind of been my thing from my early pre-k days. Whatever it took to fit someones definition of being a good friend, I would do. In high school I would succumb to the occasional mens wants and curiosities surrounding my body, because it was still attention, and in some way I felt I was being chosen, in some ways I even felt hot, there I said it.

Nothing is hotter than not needing anyone to tell you you're hot though.

After one night of pleasuring a man who had no intention of doing the same, watching him finish and leave swearing he'd "come back tomorrow", something clicked. It really WAS him, not me. I wasn't in the wrong. If anything, the only thing I did that was wrong was agree to meet up with this guy. Here it was, another night gone, energy wasted. Giving another dude plenty of what he wants without getting my share of the fun. I might as well have been DickDash for these dudes. we match, they come, we meet, they finish and leave, rarely leaving a tip, leaving the occasional review, maybe trying to order the same meal again. I was over it. I was worth more than a one night stand. I'm more than eye candy. Unfortunately for some I have feelings I value and I prefer exclusivity to communal men. I declared myself single and off the table in that moment because it was then I realized more of my worth. I was worth more than being a human cum sock. Worth more than staying up late with someone with short term intentions, even though I'm much more a morning person who prefers going to sleep before 2 a.m.

Some people act like having a relationship is the only way we're going to make it in the world. Tracee Ellis Ross would beg to differ. She kills it at the single game, in fact many successful people do. It's easier to thrive when there's only you to provide for.

Being single definitely has it's advantages. No matter, how your friends act with their SO's, or what your favorite celeb couple say.

You can do literally whatever you want, when you want. Three naps in a day? Screw it, who're you answering to? Want Chinese? Order it. You can eat whatever you want everyday now, watch whatever too. Leaving the house or staying in? Totally up to you, whatever you're feeling that day. There's no one to impress, no "rules", only you to answer to. You can wear what you want, talk to whoever you want.There's more time to get back to yourself, bring yourself home. I personally found a new love for meditation, cooking and ted talks, and my old love of reading and writing, as well as the occasional yoga practice.

With time you gain independence, and with applied practice you can become whoever and whatever you want, on your terms.

There's nothing wrong with romanticizing love. I love love. For a while I felt silly saying it, but it's true. I look at what my parents have and what they've been through, I think of my cousin who married her high school sweetheart and I know in my soul love is real and it will find me. In the meantime, by practicing mindfulness and self love, building your self-esteem and self-worth, you grow tremendously as an individual, and single or not you know the power you hold as a human being, every attribute you bring to the table.